


Uncomfortably Numb

by kaitlia777



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Depressed TK, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Owen is a good dad, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:22:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22536187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaitlia777/pseuds/kaitlia777
Summary: A brief look at the path that led to TK's drug use.
Relationships: Owen Strand & TK Strand
Comments: 9
Kudos: 109





	Uncomfortably Numb

“I don’t like girls.”

The words that had been clawing at the back of his throat burst out of TK’s mouth as he sat at the kitchen table, writing thank you cards to friends and family who had attended his Bar Mitzvah. His fingers still clutched at a pen, velum stationary soft against his other palm as he waited for his mother’s response.

For a moment, she said nothing, then turned away from the stove to stare at him. “Excuse me?”

He could feel his cheeks growing red under her scrutiny. “I mean…I don’t like them the way Vinnie and Sean do. I like…”

“No,” she cut him off sharply, shaking her head, an oddly cold look on her face. “You’re just confused. You’re just a child.”

TK bit his lip and looked down at the cards he’d been carefully writing. He might have been only 13, but according to tradition, he was accountable for himself now…and, frankly, he’d known for a couple of years now that he felt different bout some things. “I’m not confused, Mum, I…”

“Just go to you room now, Tyler!”

Something in TK’s heart broke.

Sure, he’d been nervous, but he’d always expected his parents would accept him. Especially his mother. He’d seen one of her co-workers kiss another man hello before and hold his hand and she didn’t seem phased at all.

Why was she acting like this?

Hurt and confused, TK sat in his room, swiping away any tears that managed to escape. He wasn’t a kid, he wasn’t going to cry!

TK didn’t know how long he sat there, but then he heard raised voiced, Mom and Dad arguing again. He grimaced, knowing she was going to tell dad, knowing that he wasn’t going to get to be the one to let his father know about this part of himself.

That kind of hurt a lot. It should be his to tell.

If mom was so mad, how would his father, a fireman, react? TK was sure his father hoped he’d be just like him when he grew up, follow in his footsteps, be big and brave and save people…he still could, of course, but now there was this difference between them.

A door slammed…the front door probably and a minute later there was a soft knock on the door.

“TK?” his father called as he cracked open the door and entered the room, still in his navy blue uniform. It might have looked imposing to some, but TK saw his father in it every day, so it was a comfort, as was the soft, if strained smile on his father’s face.

“I made Mom mad,” TK murmured, looking down at his hands. His cuticles were ragged and he began to pick at them.

The mattress beside him dipped as his dad sat beside him and wrapped a strong arm around his shoulders. “That’s not your fault. That’s on her,” he said, sounding so very certain and TK dared to look up at him. “I want you to know it’s okay. Nothing is ever going to make me stop loving and supporting you, kiddo. Gay, straight or anything else.”

“TK swallowed sharply, tears prickling at his eyes. “Really?”

Dad nodded and hugged him tight, letting TK sniffle against the shoulder of his shirt. “Really,” he confirmed, then tried to chuckle. “I’m going to have to re-think The Talk now. Probably do some research.”

“EW! Dad!”

In that moment, it felt like everything might be okay after all.

But two days later, Mom moved out and filed for divorce. Sure, she and dad had been having troubles, but no matter what dad said, TK felt like he’d been the final reason for the split.

His mother would rather leave than have a gay son and that thought made TK’s heart hurt all the time. He tried to keep up a good face for day, for his therapist, for school, but it was so damned hard. Was it too much to ask not to feel bad all the time? None of the anti-depressants the doctor gave him seemed to really help, but after a while he pretended they did so Dad wouldn’t worry.

Sometimes, at parties, there would be alcohol. That helped a bit, but other times it made him feel worse, like he wanted to lie down and cry.

After almost two years of being sad and numb, TK thought it was just going to be his new normal. Dad got remarried but he still felt like he was carrying around a crushing weight inside his chest. Still, he smiled as he watched his father and Gina, his new stepmother, dance. She was nice enough and if she made Dad happy, then she was okay in TK’s book.

“These things are always a bore.”

TK looked up to see Linc, one of Gina’s cousins, grinning at him. He was 20, studying something at NYU and, in TK’s opinion, very cute. He knew it too.

“Yeah,” TK agreed, then frowned as he felt Linc’s hand brush his, pressing something into his palm.

The young man winked at him. “That’ll make you feel a whole lot better.”

There was a little white pill in his hand. TK knew he shouldn’t, but…one time couldn’t hurt, right?

Maybe if it had been only the one time, it would have been fine…but it wasn’t one time and things were far from fine.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're so inclined, feel free to come say hi over at my tumblr [HERE](http://blaineandsamevanderson.tumblr.com/) . Always nice to make fandom and shipping friends!


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